To start my post, I would like to direct you to this great article-
You need to read the article before so that my post makes sense 🙂
First off, let me just say, WOW…. there are no words in my vocabulary to express the amount of respect Joel deserves….. This couple is amazing, he was extremely brave and she exuberantly understanding. I wish, I really do, that one day I can break the holds that the organization still has on me.
I am, by JW definition, a sinner. I have been a smoker, a drinker, I’ve tried an array of drugs, I had sex with multiple partners before marriage, and the list goes on….
I am, by JW definition, an apostate. I have hated the church, I have questioned the organization, I have publicly called them the religion a cult, I have WARNED others to stay away……
I have been disfellowshipped, which makes me, in the eyes of the JW organization, damaged goods. I have been betrayed by the people I loved most, thanks to “the truth”. I have been left behind by the friends I thought would always be there for me, all because we no longer share in our beliefs. I have been ridiculed and passed over and publicly shamed by the organization because of things that are not uncommon or criminal.
I am eternally ANGRY thanks to the JW organization.
All that being said, I will be attending Memorial tonight. I will be wearing my new dress, I might even take notes….. I will sit next to my worldly Husband. I will not do anything disrespectful, I will pass the wine and bread, I keep my anger at bay. I might even enjoy it.
For those of you that don’t know, I was disfellowshipped ( along with my younger brother) for 10 months, from 2009-2010, I have since been re-established. In the time that I was disfellowshipped I held hope, for many reasons I would rather not explain. I returned to Jehovah and to all my friends, whom had ignored me for neatly a year, everyone acted very happy to have me back.
The story of how and why I distanced myself from the organization is too long to tell at the moment, but I’m sure its no different than that of any other ex witness…… The judgement, the betrayal, the public shaming all seem interchangeable.
I hope to someday break the hold that the organization still has on me mentally. I feel in my soul, that I cannot miss the memorial, not only for my Parents, but just because i cant bring myself to just say no.
The couple in the article are amazing. I hope that one day Andrew and I may have a relationship so strong that he can hold my hand while I burn the bridge and leave the Jehovah Witness Organization on the other side. Until then, Have a happy memorial everyone! Oh and Happy Easter!